I Stopped Wearing Stripes
It got heavy carrying around all that weight.
Their need to be right.
Their 'my way is the best way: the only way.'
Their competing with others.
They passed this on to me,
and I carried it all.
I accepted blame.
I took things personally.
I made it 'all about me.'
I lived with these patterns
for much of my life.
Funny thing is,
I never even realized they were there.
They were so much a part of me - like breathing.
Automatic responses. Knee-jerk reactions.
Done without thinking. Unconscious.
The patterns were unattractive and confining, like vertical prison stripes.
I was tired.
It was a lot to carry.
And I didn't want it - any of it.
Acknowledging these patterns existed was revelatory.
I faced them with curiosity and deliberation.
They were weighing me down, and it was time for me to remove them.
All of them.
It's a process, this pattern-shedding.
At times it's been overwhelming, horrifying, and painful.
Like there's no end in sight, because they creep up in so many places.
It's also been beautiful,
as I've recognized the need to forgive others and forgive myself.
To see their innocence, and to see their pain.
To see my innocence, and to feel my pain.
To treat them, and myself, with compassion, kindness, and love.
I hadn't really been doing much of that.
Allowing this process to unfold - shedding this energetic weight -
has created openings that are
more beautiful than I could ever have imagined.
Life, and God, just keeps on giving.
There's so much love in this process
and now I'm more able to open my eyes, and my heart, to let it in.
For much of my life, I allowed others to control my emotions.
I kept turning my power over to them, by falling back into patterns that were handed to me and which I unconsciously carried.
Today, I take my power back.
I choose to be 100% responsible for my life.
Instead of wearing those confining prison stripes,
I choose vibrant colors and polka dots.
© Catherine Borowski, 2018
I feel the same about many things in my life, but how do I begin to figure out WHAT these patterns are and more importantly HOW to avoid them in the future?
Hi Lee, thanks for your question.
This article is more a reflection of our lives. I see that nothing is wrong with setting patterns for you life. It just proves that you want a direction and a path you want to set for yourself. But sometimes, we need to loosen up and just go with the flow! Sometimes, breaking the routine could be fun because life isn't perfect. No matter how much we try, it will never be that's why we need to allot moments on our lives like this! By the way, I am looking forward to read more poems here!
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Catherine Borowski, life coach, knows that life can be messy. And it's through the mess that beauty emerges in the most unexpectedly brilliant ways.