Ten years is a long time. Or is it?
I was in a relationship for ten years, and it didn't work out in the end. Oh, at first it was *perfect* .. the excitement, the sexiness, the attention. After a year, it started to change. Split up, get back together, you know the drill. Get married. I changed in those ten years. People told me I 'lost my sparkle.' Well, I didn't exactly lose it - I just gave it away. Gave it away trying to hold it together. It was like a runny custard pie of hiding feelings, smashing down emotions, numbing, physical graffiti, fear and more fear .. yeah, all that. And also laughter and adventures and fun and being the life of the party - yes! Absolutely the life of the party. (Actually, um, I did boogie with Stu.) I existed in that space for a long time. Was afraid to get out, to get trampled underfoot, because the great unknown was surely scarier than where I was. So I hung on, and hung on. It was easier. Until there was nothing left to hold on to. Well, actually, there was nothing left for a while, but I finally stopped the night flight freefall and crashed into that nothingness and, incredibly,... I woke up. And in the aftermath, sick again, I realized I had ceased living and was merely 'existing.' I had numbed to the point of practically losing the ability to feel, had definitely lost my energy, and in my time of dying, the big lie was exposed. In the jolt of the crash, I knew I valued myself too much to continue to 'live' that way. And I got out. That's when many concerned people pointed out, 'you wasted/lost ten years of your life.' Mind you, this wasn't said in a mean spirited way - in fact, it was meant to be consoling, as in 'those years are gone now. Can't get them back.' Except.. no way did I lose ten years of my life. If I hadn't experienced what I had in those years, I would not be who I am today. Learning the lessons I did - recognizing that I didn't have boundaries then and lived in fear and lost (no, gave away) my voice and believed I absolutely wasn't good enough and abused my body and mind and.. and.. and.. I would not change any of it. Not one thing. Because the lessons I learned propelled me forward in a way that would have been impossible, unthinkable, had I not had those ten+ years of all of it. In the aftermath, for several years I looked inward as I searched my soul, asked questions, opened myself up to new ways of being, visited houses of the holy, and rebuilt my relationship with God, who for many years I didn't even believe existed. I took classes, ended friendships, relaxed down by the seaside, read a lot, stopped drinking alcohol, felt my energy come back, and wrapped myself in kashmir (a traveler of both time and space). With new eyes, I set out on a path that I chose: possessing a clear mind, an open heart, filled with joy and devoid of all that stress, and knowing that I am exactly where I should be. I'm responsible for my happiness. Those ten years were a gift. I am so grateful for those years. Now I stand in the light, and create more and more and more light. And it's shining into the world. ------------ ©Catherine Borowski 2017 www.celebratingwealth.com
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With all of the gluten free low fat non-GMO no added sugar whole grain low glycemic zero trans fats - oh, and don't panic, it's organic! - foods out there, how can you tell what will really do your body good anymore? Information overload abounds and it's almost monthly that we read about a new fad food of the moment or try to figure out what's good for us today (gosh, that was just bad for us yesterday!). I just finished reading an article about the biggest weight loss mistakes people make (Self Magazine, March 2016) and the number one mistake on the list is "Focusing on what you can't eat." Of course that's number one! Because so often we focus on what we can't have, on what we can't do, on the stuff that's bad. But what if we changed our focus to what we CAN have? How would that change things? You can't have pasta alfredo on your diet. You CAN, however, have edamame pasta with vegetables sauteed in garlic and olive oil, with a little freshly grated cheese and freshly ground pepper. You can have a fresh marinara sauce. You can have zuppa di mare. How bad is that? Or you can't have cheese. You CAN have guacamole with homemade baked corn tortilla chips. Or peanut butter and low-sugar preserves on whole grain, seeded bread (as pictured in the not-too-appetizing photo... but you get the idea). Or avocado chocolate mousse. You can't have parmesan crusted (or any-crusted) fish or meats. You CAN, though, have grilled mahi mahi tacos, and seared steak with garlic and mushrooms, and grilled chicken with mango salsa. Yum! When we consider that we eliminate things from our diet so we will feel better, move around better, look better, all while (let's get real) not starving, we can replace thoughts of lack with thoughts of "change is good" and "I get to try new things and new preparations and spices I've never heard of" and "I get to fit into my clothes again." Why focus on the negative when there is so much positive, if we just look at things a little differently? ------------ ©Catherine Borowski 2016 www.celebratingwealth.com There are bogs in Nantucket. And I bogged myself down in one. While bicycling around the island, my friend and I pulled over next to a cranberry bog. Kind of fascinated by this gnarly shrubbery, I said, "let's walk around the entire bog!" We had a brief discussion about whether we should walk around the whole thing, how much time would it take, bla bla bla.. and then started walking. My friend discovered a few turtles nestled in the water and pointed out a hawk flying overhead. I would occasionally plop down in the grass, reach across the water and pick cranberries off the branches. Yum! So sour! Bugs skated lazily atop the water and we marveled at the individual colors seen up close: orange, burgundy, yellow, green, brown, all melding together from a distance. The sun warmed our skin and the air was quiet except for the barely perceptible sounds of rustling leaves and branches. Before we knew it, we had walked more than halfway around the bog. This patch of earth seemed so nondescript until we really started looking at it. Taking the time to walk around and see everything it held gave us an entirely new perspective. There were so many colors and textures, so much life that we wouldn't have noticed had we not slowed down to really see it. Rushing through life, we miss so much. We live in information overload and read in snippets on our devices. We text instead of having an actual conversation. We eat meals in our cars. We swipe left or right without even reading the description. We have the attention span of gnats. As I bogged myself down in bogland, I thought of how much I don't really see as I rush through life. Sometimes I just need to bog myself down. To pull over, put down the smartphone, look around and really see where I am. To look at it all, and to feel it, and smell it, and savor it. Last week I took the time to get bogged down. I'll be doing that a lot more often. ©Catherine Borowski 2017 www.celebratingwealth.com Recently I sent this photo to a few friends, and the response that came back most often was, "Did he spit?" When I impulsively kissed this camel in Morocco, the thought of the camel spitting never occurred to me. This gentle animal, who was my transportation along the beach, sturdily navigated up and down steps, walked and trotted through boulders, and was sure-footed traipsing on uneven terrain and sand. I never even thought to be afraid of him, of riding on his back, nor of giving him a grateful kiss. Yet many people told me they would have never kissed the camel because they had read that camels spit. Naturally, I googled "camels spitting" to learn that camels spit only when agitated and upset, and that they don't actually spit - when they get mad they will burp up some of their cud (the semi-digested contents of their fore-stomach); in this way they can completely cover the upper half of a human. Co-ol! Which got me thinking: How often does fear hold us back from living our lives to the fullest? How often do we stop short of doing something because we focus on what could go wrong instead of what could go right - staying in a job because it's "comfortable," staying in a relationship because it's "easier," hesitating to say what we really think because our friends/colleagues/ family may disagree? How much of yourself are you losing by staying in your comfort zone - and not kissing the camel because you're afraid he'll spit? Life constantly offers gobs of opportunities, if we choose to look and to seize them. Carpe diem, indeed.. It's not often that I'm in the presence of a magnificent camel and have the opportunity to ride on his back. He deserved a kiss - and no, he didn't spit! (If he had, however, I would have had another fun life story to tell!) ------------ ©Catherine Borowski 2017 www.celebratingwealth.com I was very fortunate to get away for a few days and ski in the pristine beauty of the Rocky Mountains. While hurtling myself down the sides of said mountains, savoring the view of the snowcapped peaks against the impossibly blue sky and stately pine trees, I began reflecting upon the bounty of life. There's something about being in nature that encourages me to pause, breathe deeply, and truly be present... I thought about how blessed I am to have set up a lifestyle which permits me to get away for an impromptu vacation (and still get tons of work done!). After losing 50lbs and then living with bulimia for several years, choosing a lifestyle which includes healthy eating and regular exercise have kept my body strong enough to ski for days on end (with the support of elastic and velcro knee braces) without tiring. I'm immensely grateful that my strong body always carries me through challenges - both physical and emotional. Working out is what gets me through so many stressors. After giving myself an ulcer (age 20), dealing with severe stomach issues (in my 20s), severe back pain (30s) and high blood pressure (40s) - ALL stress related - working out actually relaxes me. It is my go-to stress relief. I woudl rather have positive endorphins coursing through my body than any drug! Eliminating alcoholic beverages from my diet in 2015 contributed to much better form and a huge increase in energy, endurance, and speed. Hadn't even considered how beers at lunch and apres ski cocktails were dragging me down - and it used to be that I needed an airline-sized bottle of booze just to get my "ski legs" on! Life is a series of choices. By choosing what works for me in my life, I'm able to enjoy every moment in a way that increases my happiness exponentially. By taking care of my body, it rewards me with boundless energy, strength and stamina. And by choosing to live in gratitude in the present moment, life unfolds more richly, more fully, and more abundantly. And all of that contributes to a feeling of incredible wealth for which I am exceedingly grateful. ------------ ©Catherine Borowski 2016 www.celebratingwealth.com Why do we get in our heads and stay there? It's unreal. No really - we make up the stories we tell ourselves and none of it is real. Think about it: our body is in one space (in a chair, or on the couch) and our mind is somewhere completely different. Why is it so tough to keep our mind and our body in the same space? We keep ourselves in our heads, in a place that doesn't even exist, far away from where our body is right now. I can't even tell you how many times I attended a concert or a play without really hearing it or seeing it. How is that possible? (I'm not a magician, by the way.) It's because I was stuck in my head about something that happened earlier that day, or last month... or last year. Or I was beating myself up about something I said, or did, that I 'could have done better.' Or I was inserting myself into the mind of someone else and making up (generally negative) stories about what that person thought or felt about me. Although my body was present, sitting in my seat, my mind was a million miles away. It was like I wasn't even there. Lately I've been consciously choosing to keep myself in the present moment (not easy!) and it's amazing how, little by little, time seems to expand. By stepping away from my stories about the past and "what happened," and by not placing myself into other people's brains and making up stories, I'm able to create more time in the present. My mantra these days is: 'keep your mind with your body.' Try it. It sounds so simple.. but it's not easy. So is it worth it? Oh, yeah! ------------ ©Catherine Borowski 2017 www.celebratingwealth.com Someone falls to pieces Sleeping all alone Someone kills the pain Spinning in the silence To finally drift away Someone gets excited In a chapel yard Catches a bouquet Another lays a dozen White roses on a grave To be yourself is all that you can do To be yourself is all that you can do* Flowers are so often assigned meaning by the person giving them and also the person receiving them. The meaning may not be the same…. Catching a bouquet at a wedding can be joyful for one person, and sad for another person, yet it's the same bouquet of flowers. The flowers don't change, but the meaning attached to them does. White flowers at a wedding, white roses at a funeral. What do they mean to you? It's that way with our lives. You're the person who assigns meaning to occurrences in your life. It’s your story. You may be thrilled when it rains, and unhappy when the sun is shining, or vice versa… Neither reaction is right, or wrong. Just noticing what your reaction is, and how that reaction feels to you, increases your awareness of what's happening. Consider the meaning you assign to occurrences and situations in your life. When you become aware that you're the person who writes the story, will you decide to write something different? To be yourself is all that you can do. Only you can choose who you want to be in every moment. What's your choice? ©Catherine Borowski 2021 *Sung by Chris Cornell of Audioslave on Out of Exile, released May 23, 2005. Songwriters: CORNELL, CHRIS/COMMERFORD, TIMOTHY/MORELLO, TOM/WILK, BRAD Published by Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group Baby, life's what you make it
Celebrate it Anticipate it Yesterday's faded Nothing can change it Life's what you make it Talk Talk, Life's What You Make It** from the album The Colour of Spring, released 1986 Songwriters HOLLIS, MARK DAVID / FRIESE-GREENE, TIMOTHY ALAN Published by Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group ********* What stops you from celebrating life? How much time do you spend you stuck in your past, feeling guilty or embarrassed about things you cannot change.. do you beat yourself up when you think about yourself and what you’ve done? You're the only person who can make yourself feel a certain way. Others can't make you feel guilty, or angry, upset, or even embarrassed. You are the only one who decides how you feel in any given situation, and your choice is based upon the way you view yourself and your life. Your past will always remain unchangeable. But YOU always have the power to change, in every single moment. And with regard to your past, guess what—you’re not even the same PERSON you were then. You're not the same person you were yesterday! We are constantly evolving, learning, and growing .. every minute of every day. New information is presenting itself in your life constantly, and you choose how you act (or react) regarding that information. If you don’t like how you’re feeling, well.. choose again! ©Catherine Borowski 2021 **Read more: Talk Talk - Life's What You Make It Lyrics | MetroLyrics |
Celebrating Wealth®
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Catherine Borowski, life coach, knows that life can be messy. And it's through the mess that beauty emerges in the most unexpectedly brilliant ways. Archives
May 2020
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